everything has changed
by kinselllas
Summary: "Come back and tell me why I'm feeling like I've missed you all this time." Very loosely based on The Vow. Blair doesn't recognize her husband.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So I should clarify, I've never read or seen **_**The Vow**_**, meaning this story will probably not follow that storyline very closely. I've just based this off of the same idea. I'm also not a doctor so my doctor-speak probably makes little to no sense. This chapter is really short, but it's basically just setting the tone for the rest of the story. Anyway, enjoy!**

He stumbles out of the hospital room and all of the white sort of makes him want to vomit. Conveniently, he smacks right into Serena before he can panic too much.

"Serena, thank god," he grabs her arm, catching her off guard, "Where is she?"

"Dan, I…" Serena trails off and the look in her eyes tells him that it's nothing he wants to hear.

_"Where is she?"_ The desperation in his voice scares him, sounds nothing like his usual tone.

Every awful thought he ever had when they were together, every fear of her walking out of his life without even a goodbye, every nightmare he had about her dying in some horrible accident, nothing could compare to what he was feeling now.

"She had serious head trauma. The doctor says she doesn't remember the accident."

"Have you seen her yet?"

Serena tries to force a smile and shakes her head, "We all thought you should be the first."

She gives him the room number and he goes sprinting down the hallway, stopping to take a break when the excruciating pain from his bruised ribs shoots through his side. He decides to attempt a quickened walk so as not to strain himself, his head still pounding achingly.

He finds her.

He'd never seen her in the hospital before now, but she still looks beautiful. Her chestnut locks are pushed out of her face, her lips still pink aside from the purple bruise at the corner of her mouth. As he enters the room her familiar brown eyes flutter open and he sees something that looks somewhat like relief, but is quickly replaced by overwhelming confusion.

"Hey," he smiles, and rushes in to sit beside her bed, "Remember me?"

He means it as a joke, but in reality he's dreading the answer.

"Am I supposed to?" She raises an eyebrow and it's such a familiar gesture for her, but right now it makes him want to cry.

"Blair, I'm your husband."

She takes him in and for a fleeting moment he thinks she'll remember everything and they'll laugh and cry and she'll pull him in for a kiss and he'll thank god every single night of his life that he didn't lose her.

But she doesn't recognize him. Instead she says,

"I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong room," and just like that she tries to dismiss him, _forever._ "Besides, I would never marry someone who deigns to wear their hair like that."

He takes a deep breath and tries to be patient. After all, none of this is her fault.

"Well, you did. See my ring?" He holds up his hand, then compares it to the silver band on her own finger, "Notice we're matching?"

"Did you pick the wedding bands? Because, see,_ that _would not surprise me."

Her tone is the same one she used to use in high school, a combination of disgust and pity with a tiny flicker of affection in her eyes.

"Yes. You put me in charge of the wedding bands."

A shrill laugh comes out of her that makes him cringe, "Are you sure I didn't have the brain injury _then_?"

Dan opens his mouth to retort, but he can't think of a goddamned thing to say. He notices the doctor standing outside the room and excuses himself politely. Blair just rolls her eyes.

"Mr. Humphrey, I've got bad some news," the doctor flips through his clipboard distractedly while Dan tries to ignore the dizziness that's clouding his vision. "Mrs. Waldorf is suffering from retrograde amnesia. She's dealing with memory loss of the events that occurred before the accident, and the accident itself. We've yet to determine how far back the loss goes."

Dan's heart is slamming against his rib cage, threatening that he may pass out in the next few seconds if he doesn't grab onto something. For a moment, he wishes he never got out of his fucking hospital bed.

"She remembers her family, Serena, Nate, vaguely Chuck, but you…" he trails off and there's sympathy in his eyes."Mr. Humphrey, your wife has no recollection of ever being married. Nor your existence at all."

"Is that- Is that normal?" he stammers.

"It's rare, but amnesia patients can sometimes forget key people in their lives, no matter how important."

He wants to punch something. But mostly he wants to go back into the room and kiss his wife who's thankfully alive but will most likely call security if he even tries to touch her again.

"What can I do?"

"Pictures, movies, music, anything that might trigger a memory. We're going to start short occupational therapy sessions to see how much she remembers from her life."

"And if that doesn't work, if the pictures and bullshit don't trigger anything?"

"Well, you made her fall in love with you once. I'm sure you can do it again."

Dan laughs and it's angry and bitter and sad.

"You don't understand, it took me almost a year to even get her to go on a date with me. Three years to get her down the aisle. And that was when she _knew _me. It'll be nearly impossible to do it again."

"The key word there is _nearly,_" the doctor replies, pointing his pen at Dan before leaving to tend to other patients.

It's not that he won't try. He'll probably spend the next howevermany years of his life trying to win Blair over again and proving to her that they were happy together. That's not the problem. The problem is that he wants her _now. _He wants her to come home with him so they can climb into bed and strip off their clothes and show each other their scars, taking turns kissing each one until they're too heated to stop. _This _Blair will probably not agree to that.

But he decides, if he does have to do it again, he'll do it differently this time. He'll be assertive and go after what he wants, rather than let the Chuck Basses of the world swoop in before he has the chance.

Eleanor insists that they take her back to the penthouse and Dan can't help but agree. He doesn't really have much of a choice. Blair's already scrunching up her nose at the mention of their apartment in Williamsburg. All of their friends say their hellos and goodbyes and finally Dan leaves with Blair and Eleanor to bring her home.

When they arrive at the penthouse, Dorota runs to greet her and _of course_ she remembers Dorota. The maid rushes upstairs to put the finishing touches on Blair's room while Eleanor tries to get ahold of Cyrus. This leaves Dan and Blair standing in the foyer, alone.

"You can leave, you know. Dorota can take it from here." She brushes him off like a fly.

"I know you don't remember, Blair. But this is where we had our first kiss."

He approaches her carefully and she immediately takes a step back, eyes wary.

"Oh, right. During that awful period of impaired judgment. Are you going to continue reminding me about that?"

He goes to rub his thumb over her shoulder, in hopes it'll trigger something- _anything__. _She swallows nervously, but no recognition flashes.

"Just remember," he whispers next to her ear and her body tenses at his proximity, "It's _my_ ring on your finger."

Blair clears her throat and stomps her foot down as if to tell him she's had enough. He steps back and looks at her face, her eyes still searching his for some hint of familiarity. She's lost in silence for a few moments before snapping back into focus.

"If you would please, excuse yourself for the night."

As much as he hates leaving her, he knows he has to listen to her requests in order for this to work, in order for him to have any chance of getting her back. So he just smiles at her, an easy smile that he would reserve for her and her alone.

"Of course. Good night, Blair."

****Just a couple things- I know Blair is sort of a sass in this story, but I don't see Blair Waldorf waking up in the hospital with amnesia and just being sweet and understanding. Also, sorry if you feel Dan is out of character at all, but I wanted to play around with a more confident Dan. I mean, at this point he already got her to fall in love with him once, so that deserves a confidence boost. Finally- yes, I had Blair keep her last name. It just always felt right to me when I thought about DB married fics. Sorry if it bothers you, but I don't care actually. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **So I know this is a really fast update, but they definitely won't all be this fast. I just had a surge of inspiration and felt the need to post this. There will definitely be a balance between sassy Blair and emotional Blair, which will be observed in this chapter, but we'll only see her POV in tiny flashes- at least for now. I hope you like reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! But well, that's not always the case. Reviews are always appreciated- good or bad!

P.S.- the song mentioned at the end is a MUSTLISTEN- it sets the scene, in my opinion, obviously.

*****Also, I want to clarify that this fic is only canon till 4x17- DB's relationship started within a few months of that kiss in this story, but we'll learn more details of that later on. **

_"Dude. It's Nate for like the eighth time. We haven't heard from you in awhile. Serena's getting kind of worried. I guess I am too. The doctor said her memory will only improve over time. She'll remember you. She loves you so much."_

_"Hey son. If you'd like to bring Blair over to our place for dinner sometime this week maybe I can jog her memory with some Humphrey spaghetti and waffles. Think about it and let me know."_

_"So, good news. She doesn't seem as adverse to the idea of being married to you as before. But she's still really confused as to how you guys ended up together. Anyway, I've been showing her some pictures and she likes her wedding dress. That's good, right? I think you should come to the penthouse sometime in the next few days and we can just hang out casually- make her more comfortable."_

_"It's Serena again. Chuck asked Blair to attend my mom's gala with him tonight and she said yes. You should really come over and straighten this out. She's talking about this being her 'second chance' and I really need to you talk some sense into her. I've tried but she thinks I'm being ridiculous."_

Dan rolls his eyes as he plays through his entire answering machine. Of course Chuck would leap on this opportunity to win Blair back, even if she's someone else's wife. He had given her two weeks with her friends and family to regain some of her memories, without his interference, but now it seemed that he'd done himself a disservice. He pulls on a grey henley and khakis then catches a cab into Manhattan.

Serena had been staying with Blair since she returned from the hospital in an effort to improve her memory. The idea of Dan was overwhelming for her, and as much as he promised himself he'd be more assertive this time, he couldn't imagine pushing her away so much that she'd want nothing to do with him. He would never forgive himself. Serena was constantly calling and giving him updates on anything significant, but Blair still had no recollection of their marriage. He was trying so hard not take it personally, but it hurt knowing he's the one person she can't remember.

"Ah, David," Blair greets him as she walks down the staircase, "Here to see Serena?"

"It's Dan. I know you remember my name, Blair."

She scrunches up her nose at him, the way she did before she got used to his flannel shirts. It causes an involuntary smile to graze his lips. She looks as beautiful as ever in a pink floral sundress, her brown waves glossy and falling over her shoulders.

"I hear you're attending Lily's gala with Chuck," he says absently, flipping through a fashion magazine on the table in the foyer.

"You heard correct. It seems I had forgotten how simply charming Charles can be. Is that going to be a problem for you?"

"Problem?" Dan asks, laughing bitterly as he meets her brown eyes, "Not a problem, per se. Just that minor detail of you being _my wife._"

Blair snorts a laugh and shakes her head, as if she can't believe he's using that against her. As if she's still questioning her own judgment on that decision. Dan rolls his eyes at her.

"I can understand your point. But you see, _Dan_, Basses are just better suitors for Waldorfs. I'm sure what we had was very nice at one time or another, but I can't recall any of it. For that reason, I can't just drop everything to return to a life I don't even remember."

"Have you taken it off?" Dan asks, ignoring her comments.

"What?"

"The ring," he sighs, lifting her hand carefully, "Have you taken it off since you left the hospital?"

Blair shakes her head slowly, brow furrowing in confusion.

"Do me a favor. Next time you want to talk to me about proper suitors, why don't you look at the engraving inside the ring on your left hand. Remember, you know nothing about our marriage. Don't try and tell me who is right for you."

Blair's mouth gapes slightly and his eyes flicker over her lips, desperately wanting to kiss her. How many times in the next few months or years will he find himself in this foyer feeling the exact same way without being able to act on it?

"What do you want, Dan?" Blair asks softly and their proximity has become dangerously close.

"Nothing," he breathes, distracted as Serena walks down the stairs and grins at both of them, "I don't even remember why I came. I'll see both of you tonight."

When he leaves Blair huffs and Serena asks her what's wrong, but she's too busy yanking the silver band off of her finger, and squinting to read the engraving.

"It says _Humphrey & Waldorf,_" Serena tells her and a memory flashes through her mind. She's sixteen years old, sitting in the back of a taxi on Thanksgiving and a young Dan is leaning in the door of the car, grinning at her.

_"See ya later, Waldorf," _he says, and just like that, the car drives away.

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Jenny escorts Dan to Lily's gala and he tries to ignore the fact that in her heels she's almost as tall as him.

"It'll be a good night," she says and gives him a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder, "Maybe dad will even get a little drunk. You know how much he hates Lily's parties."

"If a drunk Rufus is all I have to look forward to tonight, kill me now."

Jenny laughs and grabs both of them some champagne as they look around the ballroom. It's elegant and stuffy and all very _Lily_. He and Blair would've been plotting their escape route already.

Blair.

She appears on the arm of Chuck, in a deep blue gown that Dan is almost positive Chuck purchased for her. He feels nauseated. She looks like her old self, and not in the good way. A rhinestone incrusted headband sits atop her brown curls.

She politely excuses herself to get a drink and Chuck makes his way over to Nate.

"Dude, really? You asked Blair?" Nate runs a hand through his hair awkwardly, stealing glances at Dan, who is stealing glances at Blair.

"You don't mess with fate. I think the accident was god's way of giving us a second chance."

It all sounds so immature, so high school. So _Chuck and Blair_ and it causes Nate to roll his eyes.

"Don't fuck with their marriage, Chuck. You know how much she loves Dan and you're taking advantage of her in a poor state of mind."

Chuck laughs and straightens his coat sleeves carefully, "She's making her own decisions. Just so happens that_ I_ am one of them."

With that, Chuck walks away from Nate and returns to his date. Blair stands at the bar sipping her gin and tonic and smiles sweetly when he approaches. Nate has no idea what to say to Dan. He can't imagine what it must be like to watch your wife fawn over another man, especially one that she has a previous history with.

Dan watches Chuck and Blair waltz stiffly in the middle of the floor. All he can think is that this isn't forever. She will have a moment of clarity someday and realize that Dan is the man she wants.

_Someday_.

He's starting to hate that word.

"Still nothing?" Jenny asks as she approaches.

"She hasn't even looked at me since she got here," he says dejectedly.

"What are you gonna do if she…" she trails off, taking a deep breath, "What if she never remembers?"

"She will," Serena cuts in suddenly, and grabs Dan's hand, beckoning him to the dance floor. He's definitely too sober for all of this. As he and Serena waltz playfully, he can't help but stare over the blonde's shoulder at Blair. They had only been married around two years, but their relationship had been growing and ever changing since they were sixteen years old. Two people sitting at the end of an empty hallway. Two people who had been abandoned by the people who were supposed to love them the most. Serena may have been what brought them together, but as time passed, they had found other reasons to be in each other's company.

One thing that never changed, he was always missing her. Even in high school, when they were sworn enemies, he'd miss their sparring matches and the challenge of her wit. When they graduated, his life lacked her constant belittling. It wasn't until that entire Juliet fiasco that they realized their connection was deeper than just surface level distaste.

Now he was missing her more than ever. It felt like every muscle, every fragment of him was aching for her to be in his arms again. He doesn't even mind her jokes at his expense, as long as she knows who he is- what their history is.

For the first time since the accident, Dan's eyes start to water.

He thinks he's going to cry.

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_You ain't alone, so why you lonely?_

The Alabama Shakes record echoes through their empty apartment and Dan doesn't think he's ever felt so alone in his life. He watches the record move in circles on the vinyl player and takes a sip of whiskey. The vintage record player was a gift from Blair for their one year anniversary. He can still remember the look on her face when he unwrapped it. She always seemed more excited about giving gifts than receiving them.

_Are you scared to wear your heart out on your sleeve?_

He examines the brown liquid in his glass and makes the impulsive decision to down the rest of it, cringing slightly at the burn. He shuts his eyes tightly and takes a deep breath as the music consumes him. Their golden retriever, Oliver, sits staring at Dan with his head tilted to the side.

_'Cause I'm scared the bomb's gonna take me away_

_oh, but I really don't know what I got to say_

Then suddenly, there's a knock at the door. Oliver starts barking and wagging his tail, jumping at the door and scratching the wood.

Dan sets the glass down and walks to the door, grabbing Oliver's collar and pulling it open to find Blair standing on the other side.

_We really ain't that different, you and me_

_'cause I'm scared the storm's gonna take me away_

"Blair," he freezes in place and Oliver slips out of his grip, nuzzling his nose against Blair's hand happily. She scratches his head softly and looks up at Dan.

"I'm sorry…" her voice is weak, and he thinks she's on the verge of tears. "Serena gave me the address."

Dan opens the door wider, allowing her room to walk inside. There's a warmth that spreads through his chest as he sees her in the apartment. The place where she belongs. Oliver circles her a few times, desperately seeking the attention she gave him only a few weeks ago, before the accident.

"What are you doing here?" he asks to break the silence.

Blair sniffles a few times and swallows, "I don't know."

_Cry, if you gonna cry. Come on, cry with me_

"There's something about you that is just so familiar and I want so badly to place it but I just…I can't."

"I know," Dan's voice is soft and he kneels down to rub Oliver's ears, receiving a lick to the face.

"Why does it say Humphrey and Waldorf on our wedding bands?"

Dan musters a smile and glances up at her, "I'm Humphrey, you're Waldorf. I don't know if I can explain it anymore than that."

"Why did the doctor call me Ms. Waldorf if we're married?"

"You wanted to keep your last name," he says, "I wanted what you wanted."

The corners of Blair's mouth curve slightly as a couple tears roll down her cheek. For the first time, he sees how badly she wants to remember their relationship, even if she doesn't show it half the time he's around.

Dan stands up and Blair immediately moves to wrap her arms around his waist, a few tears soaking into his dress shirt. He pulls her against his chest, arms tightening around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry I don't remember loving you," she whispers into his shirt.

Dan takes a deep breath and presses his lips against the top of her head.

Oliver sits staring at them, his head tilted to the side.

_You ain't alone,_

_just let me be your ticket home…_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **_I'm updating this fic one last time for awhile, because after this chapter I'm going to dedicate myself to updating my other three DB fics! This has a lot of reminiscing and flashbacks to shed light on their relationship before the accident, and post 4x17. Hope you've enjoyed it so far and thanks for everyone that reviewed! I'll try to have the next chapter up in the next couple months (unless I get blasted with inspiration)_

Dan wakes up to Oliver licking his ear and shoving a cold wet nose in his face. His neck aches from sleeping on the couch, but he's just thankful Blair felt comfortable enough to stay the night. He can just barely hear a record playing in the background, probably Blair trying not to wake him.

"So Serena tells me you're a writer," she says, taking note of him sitting up slowly.

Blair sits in the leather chair next to him, with her knees folded up against her body. She looks very much like a naive child getting to know the new babysitter.

"I am," he nods.

"Anything worth recommending?"

Dan smiles as he stands up and moves to the bookshelf next to the window. His fingers peruse the spines until he pulls out the one he was looking for.

"This one paid for the wedding," he says, handing it to her.

_Inside _would always be the book his name was recognized for, even if it wasn't his favorite piece of writing. He found the whole thing to be sort of a cliche. Boy from Brooklyn falls for a snobby elitist from the Upper East Side, realizing there's much more underneath her surface.

"Clair and Dylan? Humphrey, your creativity is absolutely astounding."

"I will admit, my imagination was lacking at the time. _Most_ of that book is based on true events."

Blair nods as she begins reading the first page. Dan decides to take Oliver for a walk instead of watching her read a book that's essentially about, well, _her. _

"How old is he?" She asks before they can leave.

"He'll be three in November. He was a surprise from you, actually."

Blair's eyebrows raise in surprise.

"Yeah. You, uh- you brought him to my old loft a few days after we got engaged, rambling about commitment. He had a bow tied around his neck and everything."

Oliver climbs onto Blair's lap and she lets out a giggle, scratching at his sides.

"I can't believe I bought a dog for you," a grin rests on her face, "especially a big one that sheds."

"You loved him a lot. Part of the reason we picked this place is because it has a big enough courtyard for him to run around in. You were pretty insistent. We had to take out two other couples to get it."

Blair laughs and narrows her eyes slightly, "For the _dog."_

A moment passes through her eyes again, the same one from last night. She wants to remember. Dan nods with a smile and grabs Oliver, leaving Blair to read in peace.

As they stroll down the sidewalk, he pulls out his phone to call Serena.

"I bet I can guess why you're calling!" she shrieks and he has to pull the phone away from his ear.

"She showed up last night."

"I knew it!"

"Calm down," he laughs, glancing in the bookstore windows as they pass by. "She still doesn't remember anything, but she's trying."

"You two should come over tonight! I think Nate's going to make breakfast for dinner."

"Frankly, that sounds like a nightmare, but I'll suggest it. Have you decided where you two stand yet?"

"We're just keeping it casual," she says and rapidly changes the subject, "What is Blair doing now?"

"Reading _Inside_. I'm giving her a history lesson."

"Why does that sound dirty to me?"

"Everything sounds dirty to you," Dan chuckles softly.

"You two don't even end up together at the end of _Inside._"

"I was sort of betting on her not making it to the end. That book is incredibly boring for people who know the story."

"You realize Blair doesn't fit into that category anymore."

"Good point."

He walks another mile or so before turning around and heading back to the apartment. When he opens the door, Blair is sitting at the counter reading a book that is not _Inside._

"It was kind of boring," she shrugs, "I like this one more."

Dan walks towards her to get a closer look at the cover.

_My Dad's Car _by Daniel Humphrey. The story of a boy and girl chasing after the con-artist who tried to ruin their beautiful blonde best friend's life. It had to be one of his favorite pieces that he's written.

"It reminds me of a Katherine Hepburn screwball comedy."

"Well," Dan smiles, clearing his throat, "That's what the day was like."

Dan watches her read silently for a few minutes the way he had so many times before. Some of his favorite memories in their apartment involved two mugs of tea, him reading the _New York Times_ and her curled up with his new book.

He rests a hand on her shoulder gently and she surprisingly doesn't flinch. Instead, she looks up at him with a friendly smile.

"You wouldn't want to have dinner at Nate's tonight, would you?"

"I suppose that would be nice."

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Dan waits patiently in the foyer, and his breath hitches when he catches a glimpse of his wife walking down the stairs. She wears a long sleeved tight black dress that stops halfway down her thighs. Her hair is sleek and straight and she looks nothing like the Blair he is accustomed to, but he really doesn't care.

"You're beautiful." He says and her eyes flutter closed as he presses a kiss to her cheek. "But you know we're just going to Nate's apartment, right?"

"Always dress to impress, Humphrey. You wouldn't understand."

Dan chuckles softly, "I suppose not."

They ride to Nate's in the town car- the only UES luxury Blair refused to sacrifice when they got married. Overtime, Dan found that he appreciated having a driver ready whenever they needed. Driving in the city was also far too stressful with Blair constantly nagging him in the front seat.

"I finished _Inside,_" Blair says to break the silence,_"_I see why everyone makes such a big deal about it. Are you planning on writing a sequel?"

"I get that question a lot, but I don't think so."

Her pink lips pout slightly at his answer, "Why?"

"I got the ending I wanted," he says softly, "I got you."

They don't talk for the rest of the ride.

Serena greets them in an oversized cream colored sweater and black leggings and Dan is still amazed at how good she looks in casual attire. There will never be a day that he stops finding Serena beautiful.

"B! You look amazing!" The blonde's arms go around Blair in a tight hug.

"Take it easy," Blair rolls her eyes, reciprocating the embrace, "We just saw each other yesterday."

Dan laughs as Nate hands him a beer and the entire apartment smells like syrup and bacon. He hadn't realized how hungry he was until his stomach starts growling noisily.

"Did you make all of this?" he asks, gesturing to spread of eggs, bacon, and pancakes.

"I did," Nate nods proudly, "I know Humphreys prefer waffles, but I'm not that ambitious."

Dan glances over at Blair and catches her staring at him. She immediately tears her gaze away and he bites his lip to stop from smiling. Last time they had dinner with Nate and Serena, he ended up tearing her clothes off in Nate's bathroom before they even made it to dessert. Blair had feared marriage would diminish their spark, and Dan had found himself constantly proving otherwise. His body was always aching to have her in his arms again.

They're all interrupted by someone buzzing the apartment.

"Who is it?" Serena giggles and it becomes apparent that she's already tipsy.

"Chuck."

A silence settles over the room as they all glance at each other in confusion. Dan's immediately taken back to their engagement party. Champagne was flowing, everyone was laughing, and Dan's lips barely left Blair's all night. His hand was always resting on the small of her back. Halfway through the night, Chuck showed up, wasted and reeking of scotch. He stumbled into multiple guests and even tried to pull Blair's engagement ring off of her finger. Dan had to resist the urge to sock him in the jaw for the third time. They had him escorted out within twenty five minutes of arriving. He had the same apprehension building as Serena unlocked the door.

"What are you doing here, Chuck?" Nate asks as Chuck strolls into the apartment.

"I heard we were having a dinner party," he smirks and wraps an arm around Blair's waist. "I'll forgive you for neglecting to invite me."

"Didn't want you to feel like a fifth wheel," Nate says and Blair slinks out of Chuck's grip.

Dan's fists remain clenched as they sit down at the table to eat. Conversation is forced and awkward as everyone skates around the subject of Dan and Blair's marriage and Chuck's looming presence. Chuck asks Blair how her memory is doing and she shifts uncomfortably in her seat. Dan squeezes her knee gently under the table and she smiles back at him affectionately.

"Some memories are hazier than others," she nods, "I'm still taking it one step at a time."

Dan excuses himself and Blair's eyes stay on him as he walks to the bathroom and shuts the door. He stares at himself in the mirror, trying to erase the sadness in his eyes. Things were looking better for them and for a moment he had forgotten the whole accident. But at the end of the day, she still sees Dan as a stranger, someone she's still getting to know.

"Dan?" Blair knocks softly at the door and he moves to open it.

"Hey," he whispers as she steps into the bathroom, "You okay?"

"They're telling stories about our wedding... and somehow I felt out of place."

Dan closes the door so the others can't hear them and smiles at her sadly.

"It's hard, you know?" she starts, "Having all of my friends tell me how happy and in love we were and I might never remember that feeling, and you just have to sit there- hoping that I do."

"If this is too weird for you, we can leave." he says softly and rests a hand on the side of her neck.

"Nate's talking about fruity pebble sundaes for dessert…" her nose scrunches up in disgust.

"I have a carton of hazelnut gelato at the apartment," he lets his hand slide back so that his fingers are in her hair. She doesn't seem to mind. Her lips are still soft and poised in front of his face with a small smile. God he wants to kiss her.

"That sounds perfect."

Blair stands on her tippy toes to press a gentle kiss to his jaw before making her way out to the table. Dan arrives a few minutes later, only to announce that he has a terrible migraine and he and Blair will be calling it a night.

"A migraine?" Serena asks, looking from Blair to Dan suspiciously, "At least give an excuse you haven't used before."

"We've used that before?" Blair asks, and the laugh that escapes her is surprisingly genuine considering the awkward situation.

"Many times," Nate winks at her while Dan helps her out of her seat.

Chuck sits with a disappointed look on his face and Dan wonders if he's going to give up this dream of a second chance anytime soon. It clearly hasn't been working in his favor so far. This would be the second night that Blair was leaving to spend time with _Dan. _He would almost feel bad for the guy if the guy wasn't Chuck.

Blair drops her purse in the hallway and Dan tries not to watch as she bends over to pick it up. He throws an arm around her shoulders as they step into the elevator.

She stays pressed against his side as they ride down the six floors and then they push open the door to the cool fall air and climb into their town car.

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When they get back to the apartment, Blair begins complaining about her dress and Dan reminds her that they are, in fact, in _their_ apartment, so she should be able to find something else to wear. He throws _Highway 61 Revisited_ on the record player and pours them each a glass of red wine.

"How's this?"

Dan turns around and Blair is standing in one of his red flannels and an old pair of long soccer socks. It shockingly looks even better than the dress.

"That's not fair," he moves towards her, handing her her glass of wine, "You have a closet full of clothes in there and you chose _this_?"

She bites her lip to fight a smile and shrugs her shoulders as she takes a sip from her glass. Her lips are immediately stained a deep red.

"So I know Serena has showed you all of our awful posed engagement and wedding photos, but if you would humor me I have an album of my own."

"Is that right?" she grins and plops down on the couch. Oliver leaps from his spot on the floor to sit next to her. Dan sits on the other side and pulls the album out of the coffee table drawer. On the cover is a picture of Serena leaning into Dan's side, kissing his cheek, and Blair standing to the side rolling her eyes with her arms folded over her chest.

"How old were we?"

"Sixteen." his breath catches in his throat when Blair reaches an arm over his lap to turn to the first page. He always hated posed photos. There was something insincere about them. You couldn't capture how everyone was feeling at that exact moment if they were frozen in poses. That's why he started his own album of candid pictures of him and Blair. The first few pages were provided by Serena and involved stolen glances at parties when Blair still despised him. She giggles quietly, pointing at some of the more humorous facial expressions.

"This one," Dan clears his throat, "This is one of my favorites."

It was from a few months after their first kiss. The picture was originally a group shot of everyone; Serena, Nate, Chuck, Eric, Blair, and Dan- all the kids- but Dan had zoomed in on himself, smiling with his hands up in surrender, and Blair, brown waves tied back in a pony tail, her finger jabbing him in the chest.

He had asked her on their first date seconds before the picture was taken.

"When was this?" Blair points to a picture of her and Dan standing at a bar, laughing. Her tiny hand is tugging at the bottom of his shirt which has been messily untucked, and he's staring down at her with the drunken affection of someone who is realizing he's in love with the girl standing in front of him.

"Uh, we'd been dating for a couple months I think."

"You look in love," she says.

"I was."

A few tears stream down Blair's face as she laughs at the pictures in front of her. He starts to understand what she means about how hard it is to not remember. He can't even imagine what it'd be like not to know exactly how he was feeling in each of those moments.

"This is from our engagement party," he points out. Blair is jumping on Dan's back trying to grab something out of his hand and Nate and Serena are bent over laughing hysterically, "I found vows you wrote for Nate when you were like twelve and was reading them aloud to everyone."

Blair jabs her elbow into his side and they both laugh. Out of habit, he wraps an arm around her waist, his thumb grazing her bare hip bone. If she notices, she doesn't comment on it. Her eyes are hazy and her lips are red from the wine and Dan thinks she could probably fall asleep in his arms. This whole time he had been looking at the accident as a curse that would change anything, but sitting with Blair in the living room, he didn't feel any different. He probably never would.

"These are so much better than the ones Serena showed me," her head rests gently on his shoulder and Dan turns the page to the wedding pictures.

There's a couple from the ceremony, but the best ones are from the reception. One picture in particular seems to stand out to Blair, because she pulls it off of the adhesive to examine it more closely. Dan and Blair are tucked away at a dark corner table. He's whispering something into her ear. Her cheeks are flushed pink, a prominent smile across her face.

"I don't get it," she says softly, and he waits for her to continue. "How can I not remember this? How can I not remember this feeling?"

"I don't know," Dan swallows hard.

"I want to," she lifts her head to meet his gaze.

"I know," he can feel himself leaning in, as if he has no control over his actions. Blair's eyes flutter closed and she lets out a small sigh. Their lips barely touch when Blair pulls away. Dan feels like a bucket of ice water was poured on his head.

"I'm sorry," she mumbles and rises from the couch, "I should go to bed. Thank you for the nice night, Dan."


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: **_So I am currently really struggling with my other stories, which of course were supposed to be my main focus. I'm trying to write an afterword for "love is stubborn" and I've almost finished the new chapter for "arguable chemistry." HOWEVER, I decided that some chapters of this story will be flashbacks, so then I got really excited about that and wrote this chapter. The next will be in present time again. I'm also thinking about writing an NYU _friendswithbenefits_ sort of story but idk if that will ever happen.

Anyway, hope you like it! Thanks for everyone who still reads and reviews my stories :D

_It all started with that fucking kiss._

_Feelings plowed through him like a speeding train and he knew there was no turning back. Watching her walk up the steps in her foyer, he couldn't help but want her. He had to stop himself from sprinting up the stairs after her, desperate for his lips to be on hers again. _

_In the days immediately following, Blair assured him that no feelings had surfaced on her end, and because he didn't want to lose her friendship, he dishonestly agreed. The kiss made him notice things about her he hadn't before. _

_She never wears the color orange- or at least, he'd never seen her wear orange. Somehow this observation makes sense to him. He imagines orange would not be a color Blair Waldorf likes. _

_She has a specific ringtone designated for Chuck, and lately has not been answering her phone when said ringtone begins playing. _

_He comes to realize that he really likes her in black- although at this point he'd probably like her in any color. They decide to take a more casual approach of announcing their friendship to their friends and family, by simply attending parties together as "friends."_

_"I couldn't find a date in time and well, Blair's not the _worst _company." _

_"Humphrey is just Humphrey. I didn't want to go alone and he was available, like he always is."_

_It's not completely unbelievable that a friendship would blossom between them, so everyone brushes off the news fairly quickly. Blair is thrilled with the success of it all. Dan's too busy being bothered by the fact that he wishes she was actually his date. _

_She forces him to come over one afternoon to help her choose a gown for Anne Archibald's gala. Royal blue, crimson, gold, plum, he starts ignoring her after awhile and goes back to his book. That's another thing he's noticed- even when he's ignoring her, she will continue babbling for however long so that he doesn't get the satisfaction of her shutting up. It's really pretty cute, but he doesn't like to think of her in those terms right now._

_"What about this one?"_

_Dan glances up for a second and his eyes do a double take. Blair stands in a black and gold intricate lace gown, tight and structured at the bodice, with the skirt falling elegantly to the floor. _

_"Nice," is the only word that escapes him._

_"Nice? How do you plan to make a living with your writing if all you can come up with is 'nice'?"_

_Dan doesn't want to speak because he knows if he does he'll let on to his feelings and make a fool of himself, but he also doesn't want Blair to think she looks anything less than incredible in her dress. _

_"Reminds me of Anne Hathaway in the Devil Wears Prada. When she goes to the huge gala with Emily and Miranda."_

_"It concerns me how quickly you can reference any movie with Meryl Streep in it."_

_Dan laughs as he helps her zip up the back of her gown, ignoring how his body tingles when he takes in her scent._

_When they arrive at the party, Eric is the first to greet them. _

_"You two look great," he says with a knowing look in his eyes, "If I didn't know any better I'd think you were a couple."_

_"Well, you know better," Blair says shortly and leads Dan to the bar. Lily and Serena are nowhere to be seen and there are far too many people that neither of them want to talk to, so they attempt to appear intimate in order to ward off others. Dan makes a joke about Anne Archibald needing the stick from her ass removed, and Blair giggles softly, touching his arm._

_If he didn't know any better, he'd think they were a couple too._

_"Don't talk that way about my former almost mother-in-law," she grins and takes a long sip of her drink._

_"Oh please. You two were never going to get married. You'd be divorced in a year."_

_"I think we would've been happy."_

_Dan shakes his head and smiles back at her, "Nope. Nate's not right for you."_

_The alcohol gives her the courage to step closer to him._

_"Oh yeah?" she asks softly, "Then who is?"_

_Dan swallows and opens his mouth to answer, but her eyes have moved to something over his shoulder. He glances back to see Chuck standing a few feet away, discussing whatever he discusses with people at these things. Sometimes Dan forgets Blair is in love with someone else. _

_"Sorry," she clears her throat and looks at him again, "What were you saying?"_

_It's too late. The moment is lost. _

_"Speaking of people who aren't right for you," Dan says snidely and narrows his eyes at Chuck. He still hasn't moved on from the image of a heart-broken Blair sitting alone on Valentine's Day. Chuck will always do what Chuck wants and he hopes someday Blair will stop doing the same._

_"No, that's definitely not-" she glances down nervously, "That's over."_

_Dan notes how hard she's trying to put on her tough face and hands her his drink to finish._

_"You need it more than I do."_

_By the end of the night they are both stumbling up to the loft, his arm pulling her tighter against his side. _

_"Did you see Anne's face when you knocked the vase over? I thought she was going to have an aneurism!" _

_Dan grins at her, watching her laugh like a child. A warmth spreads through him and it's not the shots of whiskey they did before leaving. He's never felt anything so authentic for someone before. With Serena, he was caught up in the illusion of his golden dream girl but never found anything worth holding onto. Vanessa was always his ally on the outside. They connected over circumstance. _

_Blair's different. She's his best friend. She challenges him, and yet he's never felt more comfortable around anyone, besides his family. She doesn't make him jump through hoops for her attention, even though she's constantly reminding him of her superiority. He's never genuinely liked anyone so much. _

_"Why are you looking at me like that?" she laughs, tilting her head to the side._

_Dan leans down, resting his hands on Blair's knees and smiles, "Like what?"_

_"Like _that,_" he watches her lips as she speaks and when he meets her gaze again she's staring at him expectantly. Dan moves closer and his mouth is inches from hers when Serena swings the loft door open. _

_Blair leaps up from her seat and smiles nervously, while Dan runs a hand through his hair. Serena, clueless as usual, makes no note of their behavior. _

_They spend the rest of the evening listening to Serena talk about her mom's legal proceedings and her plans to move to California in the summer. That's what gives Blair the idea for the picture. _

_Weeks fly by and before they know it, they're helping Serena pack for California and planning a going away party. Nate seems especially conflicted about the news that Serena's leaving and Dan knows how he feels. He almost bought a ticket to Paris just to tell the blonde he loved her. _

_But now Dan's heart is elsewhere. He and Blair still do everything they did before- the movies, the library, the Met- but now something's missing. He has an ache in his chest when they say good night and he thinks there's a good chance it's because he wants more. He wants to kiss her when they say good night and when they say good morning and when they're not saying anything. When she stands at the counter cutting vegetables at the loft, he wants to sneak up behind her to wrap his arms around her waist. He has far too many things that he wants and no way to get them. _

_Blair decides that if Serena is going to California, she will go to France for the summer. She only tells Dan this, because he's the only one she wants to know. She doesn't want Chuck to follow her for a pathetic declaration of love, or her mom to reprimand her for making thoughtless decisions. She forces herself to ignore the look of disappointment that passes through Dan's eyes when she tells him._

_"It's only for the summer," she says casually, setting up furniture for the portrait._

_"It'll be a boring summer without you here," it sounds more romantic than he had intended._

_"Well, what's really keeping me here? With Serena gone, I might as well move there."_

_"You're not serious," Dan narrows his eyes. _

_Blair shrugs and begins organizing their friends into an acceptable pose. She places Chuck next to Eric, Nate and Serena intentionally in the center, herself next to the blonde with Dan at her side. _

_Serena's wearing a red sundress, while Blair is in jeans and a black v-neck sweater. Dan never sees Blair is jeans. He decidedly likes her in them. _

_His chest is heavy as the photographer gets ready for the picture. His palms are starting to sweat and he doesn't know why he's so nervous, except that when he thinks about it, he does know. He's done waiting. The photographer counts off,_

3-2-1-

_"Go on a date with me," he whispers against her ear._

_Blair whips around to face him, her eyes wide._

_"What?" she asks softly and the camera is still flashing repeatedly. _

_"You heard me, Waldorf."_

_She jabs a finger into his chest roughly. "What are you doing?"_

_"Asking you out,"_

_The photographer stops snapping pictures and lets out a loud sigh. "Do you two even want to be in this portrait or should we just crop you out completely?"_

_Dan smiles apologetically and they both put on their best grins as the final few shots are taken, then Blair excuses them politely and drags Dan into the kitchen. _

_"You have to be joking," she says, leaning against the counter._

_"I'm not. I'd like to take you on a date- a real one."_

_"Why are you doing this now? Because I'm leaving?" _

_"No," he starts, keeping his distance a few feet away from her, "Well, yes. But I've wanted to ask you out ever since that night we kissed. Before that, even."_

_"You realize how insane you sound, right?"_

_Blair keeps her face tight, walls up, but he can see her faltering. He takes a few steps closer. _

_"It's really not that insane, if you think about it. We're practically dating already."_

_"We are not," she counters like a petulant child. _

_"We go to movies together, attend parties together, we even coordinate outfits sometimes." _

_"Shut up, Humphrey." _

_Dan slides a hand to the back of Blair's neck and she tenses, taking a step back. "Just let me do something," he whispers, before catching her mouth with his. His hand gently slides into her hair as his body moves against hers. His tongue flicks over her bottom lip and Blair moans softly into his mouth, deepening the kiss. Dan's other hand moves to her waist and he pulls her against him, inhaling as much of her as he can. _

_"Okay," she mumbles against his lips and rests her forehead against his, "You've made your point."_

_Dan kisses her again, tugging her bottom lip with his teeth gently. Blair gasps quietly. _

_"Go on a date with me," he repeats._

_"Okay."_


End file.
